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The Break Up Blog

She talks about him all the time. Not because she’s still in love with him but because he’s the person that she’s most grateful for. Thanks to their relationship, she managed to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and create something stronger, something greater and more beautiful. He shattered her but this let her see her true potential.

Some people are eternally hateful, I’m eternally grateful - Jess Amelia (via jess-amelia)

If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle to others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself.

Nikita Gill
(via wordsnquotes)

Because not all monsters were monsters in the beginning. Some are monsters born of sorrow.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
socolatecosmos: “ ~Jo Blackwell-Preston ”
Sours: https://yourbreakupblog.tumblr.com/

I often wonder who I would be had you not left my life.

Back then I didn’t know how I was going to go on without you.

I looked for you in every person. All I wanted was to be wanted. Loved. Desired.

You used me as a crutch. A way to move on from the love of your life.

At seventeen, I didn’t understand that. At eighteen, I didn’t understand that. By nineteen you would’ve thought I would’ve learned.

For years I let you walk all over me. With this idea in my head that maybe, just maybe you loved me the way I loved you.

At nineteen I should’ve learned.

I should’ve learned that my value was more than someone who said they loved me to get in my pants.

I should’ve learned when someone says they don’t want to be a relationship that they do - just not with you.

I should’ve learned that I was nothing more to you than a young, naive teenager who thought you put the stars in the sky.

It’s been six years and I still think of you from time to time. Not because I miss you. Not because I wish you were the one that put a ring on my finger. But because you sat there and took advantage of a seventeen year old who just wanted to be loved.

Not because I wish you chose me. Not because I wish it was you I came home to every night. But because you repeatedly lied to my face and made me realize that not everyone that says I love you has your best interest in mind.

I think of you from time to time. When I hear a song or see something that reminds me of you. I’m so glad that you left. I’m so glad you broke my heart. I’m so glad you taught me that love was more than words. I’m so glad you are gone. I’m so thankful you left when you did. I’m so damn grateful you are a shitty person with your best interest at heart. Without you leaving I never would’ve saw my worth. Thank you for that.

Sours: https://breakupquotesforgirls.tumblr.com/
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Anything Advice Blog

Getting your heart broken, if it’s after a relationship of 4 weeks, 4 months or 4 years, is always hard to deal with. We’ll try to give you some ways to get over your heartbreak. But most important thing is giving it time. You have to give yourself time to be sad. 

Give yourself time to grieve

When you’re just coming out of a situation that has caused you heartbreak you’re going to need to give yourself time to grieve and to deal with all the emotions that are going to plague you in those first few months.

Give yourself space from your ex

It seems nearly impossible to get over the heartbreak of a relationship ending, but constantly being bombarded with information about your ex is definitely not going to help anything. This means no stalking on Facebook, no texting, no drunken phone calls…

  • Block your ex on social media so that you won’t be tempted to spend hours pouring over their Facebook page and over-analyzing every single thing they post in an attempt to figure out if they regret not being with you and miss you, etc… If you’re constantly trying to stay in contact with your ex you’re not going to be able to move on, which will make your feelings of heartbreak and unhappiness that much harder to bear.
  • Get rid of photos, presents and other things that remind you of them.
  • Try to avoid talking to their friends or even mutual friends. Especially when all you do is ask how your ex is doing.
  • If you cannot avoid contact with your ex, possibly you work or go to school with your ex, or maybe he/she is in your friend group. If this is the case, avoiding interaction when possible is smart for the short-term. Take a different route to the elevator, the gymnasium, etc. Temporarily, until you feel stronger, sit with a different group at lunch or ask a friend to join you at another table. Do not stare at your ex from across the room or wait to see if he is watching you. 
  • If there is interaction or you are in the same company, be yourself. There’s nothing wrong with appearing quiet or a little sad. Your ex knows your hurt. But, keep your emotions in check. No scenes or drama. Over is over and continuing the awkwardness doesn’t help you or anyone. You may choose to appear fine, confident, and even offer a warm smile. Mourning the relationship in private or with close friends feels good. Showing outwardly in public or in the company of your ex can actually help the healing. It omits awkwardness and help put the path ahead in place for the two of you.

Let It Out and don’t fight your feelings

You are going to be devastated when you encounter heartbreak. There’s no way to avoid that and if you fight those feelings you’re going to make it harder to deal with them in the long run. You don’t need to pretend that you’re fine when you’re really not. Accept that you’re going to be going through some emotional turbulence for a bit. Your friends (if they’re true friends) will understand and support you.

  • Try journaling about how you’re feeling. This is an especially good thing to do if you’re bad at talking to other people about your feelings. Every day, write down how you’re feeling about the heartbreak. Gradually, you’ll see that you are getting better.
  • Feel free to listen to angsty, angry, sad songs to help get those feelings out, but don’t stay there. Make sure that you don’t only listen to songs about heartbreak and breakups, otherwise you’re going to have an even tougher time getting over it.
  • Share your feelings. Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust — someone who recognizes what they’re going through — helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. If you feel like someone can’t relate to what you’re going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more sympathetic to talk to. (OK, we know that sharing feelings can be tough for guys, but you don’t necessarily have to tell the football team or your wrestling coach what you’re going through. Talk with a friend or family member, a teacher, or counselor. It might make you more comfortable if you find a female family member or friend, like an older sister or a neighbor, to talk to.)
  • Don’t be afraid to cry. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is another tough one for guys, but there’s no shame in crying now and then. No one has to see you do it — you don’t have to start blubbering in class or at soccer practice or anything. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the shower when you’re getting ready for the day

Take care of yourself

One of the most important things to do while you’re recovering from heartbreak is to take care of yourself. A lot of times you’ll be feeling super unmotivated and it can be hard to simply get out of bed, but going that extra mile for yourself can help you from falling into a huge pit of despair.

  • Reward yourself for things that take extra effort like cleaning your apartment, going grocery shopping or even showering.
  • Exercising can be a good way to take care of yourself and boost your mood. Exercise releases endorphins, which can help make you feel happier and you’ll feel better about yourself in general.
  • Repeat to yourself “I want to be happy.” This mantra will remind you that even though you’re in the dumps because of heartbreak, you have no desire to remain there. Remind yourself that you’re working towards being happy and getting over your heartbreak is part of that.

Get busy

  • Do something you’ve been meaning to do for a while. When you’re in a relationship, you make time for another person. Sometimes that means sacrificing things you want to do or have planned. Now that you’re no longer in a relationship, you can do the things you were meaning to do.
  • Go out with friends. Have fun, go to the movies, go shopping, go to a theme park.
  • Look for a new hobby or focus on a hobby you already have.
  • Rededicate yourself to work or to school. You know what they say about idle hands. If you lose yourself in a pursuit that you find meaningful, getting over your ex won’t seem half as bad.

Avoid unhealthy behaviors.

  • Avoid diving into a new relationship or engaging in casual sex.
  • Avoid withdrawing from others, clinging to your ex or to the hope that you’ll get back together and continually beating yourself up.
  • Don’t try to drink, smoke, eat or drug away your sadness.

Know that you’re not alone on this journey.

You think you’re the only one who has ever felt hurt like that? That’s not true. You will get over him/her. Time is a great healer. Do not get back with this person, if you feel that all this person does is hurt you! Keep thinking of the reason you split up. You don’t want to go down that road again, do you?

 
 
Sources and more tips:

Help on healing from heartbreak (psychcentral)

Wikihow: How to deal with heartbreak

Broken heart (teenshealth)

Sours: http://anything-advice-blog.tumblr.com/breakup
Taylor Swift - Back To December

Modern Love — Just another consumer market?

Never gonna fall for
Modern Love walks beside me
Modern Love walks on by

[…]

Don’t believe in
Modern love. 

— David Bowie

A lot has changed since I was last single. To help me navigate this technologically enhanced dating market I wanted to pair up with another recently separated, similarly fumbling soon-to-be divorcee and reporter. What follows is a edited recounting of our conversations:

Me: So you and I both started online dating around the same time.

My friend: That’s right - while we were both in the middle of divorces which I think adds a certain something.

(I laugh)

Me: And we were both a little apprehensive about it.

image

Me: I felt uncomfortable mostly because I always felt like online dating commoditized people and made something so human — affection, love, etc. — into a consumer choice. I’ve also never actually actively dated. I’ve always met people IRL — in real life — through other people or through activities and group events and we sorta just figured out that we liked each other by hanging out with a bunch of people. So online dating as an activity and going out there to find someone in a categorical way are a little weird to me. Consumerist, almost. Also there’s this tumblr.

Friend: For me, at first thought it was just the idea of dating that freaked me out. It’s been five years since I’ve been on a date. The list of things I would rather do than go on a date includes: wash my hair, scrub the bathtub, even do my taxes.

Me: You’d rather do your taxes? Do you know how complicated this country’s tax code is? 

Friend: But I pretty quickly realized that a big part of the freakiness is the online component. A, the choices - so so many! It’s like chocolates. You think you’d like an entire roomful of chocolate, but for reals? That’s a tummy ache waiting to happen so you have to make choices. But at the same time who wants to have to make a whole room full of choices, even when picking chocolates?  And B, the process of making so many choices strips away a lot of the nice parts of dating (if there are nice parts).

Me: Right, sieving through all the choices just becomes overwhelming.

image

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Friend: The overwhelmingness spreads throughout the whole experience like a sneaky little virus. And for me what happens is that I’m already so overwhelmed (OkCupid says 164,972 users are online right now) that by the time I’m immersed in an exchange with a guy, if he hasn’t asked me for a cup of coffee by email number three I’m almost done. I do not want to answer another email. It’s a sad, sad place to be.

Me: And then all the messages and matches you receive start sounding the same, making it super hard to distinguish between the real deal and just some guy who says “Hey.”  It becomes a chore to look through the massive pile of messages and figure out who really is a nice guy and who’s just messaging EVERYONE WHO POPS UP IN HIS FEED!  

(My friend takes a break to arrange for a date in Manhattan. Yes, this actually happened.)

Friend: Right - there are so many things to consider - is he tired? Is he crazy? Is that why he just wrote you this potentially questionable and bizarre email (Hi, would you like to go out for cereal?)  Or, is he a totally nice guy, sitting alone with his totally nice cat, with his actually very nice bowl of cereal, who’s just as overwhelmed as you are?

Me: We could have a whole nother conversation about the difference between odd vs. creepy (people who filled out the survey did).

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image

Me: I’m just starting to feel like whole dating thing is a lot of work.

Friend: It is work and I can back that up. I’ve reported on this before! There’s a professor at Columbia, Sheena Iyengar, and this is her thing. She actually studies this! Iyengar is an expert on choice — on how many choices are too many, i.e. how many options will short-circuit consumers’ minds and make choosing such a hassle that you don’t even want to make a choice.

Me: So there’s like a sweet spot for how much choice is too much choice?

Friend: Yes, and although this feels kind of weird, I’m going to quote one of my own stories: ’Sheena Iyengar says when it comes to how many products should be on store shelves there’s a magic range of numbers — 15-20.’

Me: And now we are just products on shelves! I had an exchange with my very first online date about this. He likened it to going to a grocery store where you’re presented with an endless array of soaps, all of which serve the same function, but you start getting overwhelmed by all the choices you’re presented with.

Friend: I’m not starting to get overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed.

Me: But on the other hand, being exposed to a number of people also raises your standards and expectations. So for example, I’m not the biggest drinker and usually bring that up when people suggest going out for a drink. One guy said that we should think about something else to do, which was really thoughtful. If a guy doesn’t do that now, it raises a little red flag.

Friend: I know! Like someone else has already climbed the mountain of politeness, can’t you too? Are you out of politeness and thoughtfulness shape? Did you sprain your politeness muscle? Is that why you’re still single? But, I’m rambling (which is what happens when you date) and the point I want to make here is that even while we’re being so thoughtful and careful and desperately trying to assess data there’s something a source for an online dating story told me years ago (when I was not single) which has come back to haunt me. Here it is: While we think we know what we want, we often don’t. 

Me: Right. It’s really not all about whether you like the same music or whether you’re an ‘outdoorsy’ person. You can’t really put chemistry down on paper. I’ve actually been pleasantly — and not so pleasantly— surprised by whom I liked and disliked. I would go to a date expecting to like the person based on e-banter and their profile, and ended up being somewhat horrified by them in real life and vice versa.

Friend: So, I’ve really enjoyed this chat with you. I just have one question - would you like to go get a drink? But, of course, only on a night that works for you.

(I laugh)

Data: For our data we used my friend’s OKCupid as well as my Tinder account for data. 

Tags: modern loveonline dating

Sours: https://quantifiedbreakup.tumblr.com/

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